The
day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He
is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However,
the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St.
Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is
filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
for everyone.
The
test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest
responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever
told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test
ain't too
hard; life
was a big enough test as it was.'
St.
Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.
First:
What
two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How
many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What
is the Lord's first name?'
Forrest
leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day
and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had
a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week
begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks,
that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The
Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I
was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify,
so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?'
asked St. Peter.
'How
many seconds in a year? Now
that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded,
St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd,
February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold
it,' interrupts St.Peter. 'I see where you are going with
this, and I see your point, though
that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you
credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and
final question. Can
you tell me the
Lord's first name'?
'Sure,'
Forrest replied, 'it's Howard.'
'Howard?'
exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,
but just how in the world did you come up with the name Howard
as the first name of the
Lord?'
'Shucks,
that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied.'
I learnt it from the Lord's prayer when I was in first grade,
"Our
Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."
St.
Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and
said:
'Run,
Forrest, run.'
Lord,
Give me a sense of humor
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To
get some humor
out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks !